Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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