There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
