You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
