just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
