I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
