Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
