You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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