I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
