Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
