I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize