areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
