this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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