I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
