I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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