i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
