Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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