Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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