was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
