i was born a porn star she said
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
