Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
