I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
