can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
