Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
