I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
