it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
