meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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