That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Come share oat with me in your robe
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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