what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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