I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
