I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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