Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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