You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
