Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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