Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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