Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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