last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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