He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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