Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
