you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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