My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
