I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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