Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
