Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
