Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
