I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
