I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
