last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize