I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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