I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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