Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
