Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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