apparently the secret to your success is patron
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
