Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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