She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
