Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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