physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
