ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Please don't give away my fajitas
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