Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
