New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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