you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
