hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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