did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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