I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
