drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
