Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
