I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
