actually, I'm a sock model
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
