just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Randomize
