Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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